


Charcoal Coated Fingers

by Dizziedesi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22856563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizziedesi/pseuds/Dizziedesi
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin, Bellarke - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Charcoal Coated Fingers

Bellamy’s favorite memory was taking Clarke to the sea, standing at the sea cliff watching the sun go down. It was right after her father’s funeral. She had come to him dressed in all black, tears streaking down her face, and asked him to take her away. She wanted quiet and she wanted to paint. He said yes instantly. How could he say no to the woman that owned his heart and soul? How could he say no to the one person that he cared for more than anyone in the world? He took her hand and led her to his old beat up truck and drove her to her house to grab her supplies. Once she had everything, they got in his truck and drove. 

He watched her the whole ride. Saw her hastily wiping her tears away as if she was ashamed, watch her wrap her arms tighter and tighter around herself as if she could hold the pieces of her heart together if she just held on a little tighter, watched her shrink in upon herself until she couldn’t get any smaller. His heart broke for her. His beautiful Clarke who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. Here was the girl that stayed with him for nights after Octavia left, mad at him and the world for her boyfriend Lincoln’s death. Here was the girl that made him want to be better, made him want to settle down and get married and have a white picket fence. Here was the girl he’d give up anything for, going through the worst pain and experience she could ever face, losing her best friend. He watched as she clutched her father’s watch to her chest, the only piece of him she had left, as her lips trembled and her eyes watered. Once they got to the sea cliffs, he helped her set up her work space and then he sat back and watched. Only once they were alone and she had charcoal in her hand did she let go. 

He watched as she marked up the page with strong, bold, black lines. Watched as the charcoal darkened her hands, watched as the tears streamed relentlessly down her face, as if they were a river carving a canyon into the earth, watched her finally let herself grieve. It was both the saddest and most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was the first time he realized he loved her. When her hands hurt and she couldn’t cry anymore, she collapsed into Bellamy and he held her as she sobbed. He was her rock, her safe haven, her shelter from the storm. As she slowly calmed down, they stayed like that. Bellamy standing tall and strong, with Clarke in his arms. 

They watched the sun go down together, and Bellamy couldn’t help but think he had never seen a more beautiful sight than Clarke. Still dressed in the outfit from her father’s funeral, charcoal smudged all over her hands and streaked on her face from wiping her tears, Bellamy had never been more in love. He would do anything he could to protect her. He swore to himself that from that moment on, no matter what happened he would never see her cry like this again. They stayed there in that exact spot long after the sun had gone down. They saw the stars come out and dance across the sky, watched the moon rise and take its place in the night sky, watched the sea calm from rough crashes against the cliffs to gentle caresses, only then did they leave. 

Bellamy drove Clarke home as she curled up in the passenger seat once more, though this time it was asleep wrapped up in his jacket. Looking at her now, her face was calm. The storm had passed, the lines on her forehead were smooth once more. He knew she was exhausted, that the crying had taken everything out of her. He knew that tonight wouldn’t be the night to leave her alone in the big house that she claimed to call home, knew that Abby- who pretends to care about Clarke- wouldn’t be home and probably won’t be for a long time. So he drove her home, to his house, a place she was always welcomed. He carried her inside, up to his bedroom, and laid her down in his bed. She reached out for him then, mumbled through her sleepy haze to stay with her. Seeing her in his jacket, his in house, in his bed warmed his heart to the point it was painful. He couldn’t say no to her, not now after she lost her father, not ever. He could look at her every day, for the rest of his life. He wanted to wake up next to her everyday, wanted to kiss her and love her and protect her. He wanted to have kids with her, they’d have his curls but her blonde hair. Her beautiful blue eyes, but his freckles. They would be the only thing more beautiful in the world than Clarke, only because they’d be a testimony of their love, the perfect combination of both of them. He wanted to make her breakfast in bed and snooze his alarm every morning for just a little bit more time with her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and never let her go. He wanted everything with Clarke. 

He stayed with her and dozed off halfway through the night, though at that point it was closer to morning than it was night time. By that point, Clarke had wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest as if he was the only thing that could keep her safe, keep the demons at bay. He fell asleep with the love of his life in his arms. He fell asleep with the woman of his dreams, the woman he imagined everything with, the one woman he couldn’t lose. He fell asleep with Clarke in his arms, and when he woke up she was gone. 

There was nothing where she once was. No note, no text, no phone call, nothing. He went by her parents house but no one was home. He went back to the sea cliffs, but she wasn’t there. He looked for her everywhere but she had disappeared. It was as if she was never there in the first place. The only thing he had left of her to remember were the charcoal smudged all over his dress shirt from clutching his shirt in his hands as she cried. He searched for her, he called her and he texted her, but she never replied. Weeks went by, and yet still there was nothing. 

Until one day, he got a package in the mail with no return address. Inside sat a charcoal drawing with dark, heavy, bold black lines. It was the drawing from the sea cliffs. He had never seen the whole thing but now that he had the full picture, he was shocked. It was him. She had drawn him. During the hardest time in her life, she had drawn him. Not her dad, not the sea, not something dark, she had drawn him. And then she left. Inside the package was a small slip of paper, pulling it out and reading it, he sat down to cry. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Dear Bellamy, 

Don’t look for me. Give up. I’m sorry. Losing my dad was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, and I could only do that because I had you. I’ve always had you. I love you. I know I should have told you in person but I couldn’t. If I had told you, if i would have said it to your face, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I couldn’t stay there, I couldn’t stay and be reminded of what I lost every day.. I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you, I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. I know what I did hurt you, of course it would have. I know you, Bellamy Blake, and I know you will look for me everyday until you find me. Don’t. 

Don’t waste your life on me Bell. I’m not worth it. Don’t throw away your life trying to find me. Don’t waste your time. Find a girl to love, get married, have kids. Live your life Bellamy, for me. 

Waking up in your arms made me realize I would be ok, because I know you’re out there somewhere. Waking up in your arms made me realize, I’m only ok because of you. You have kept me strong, you have pieced me back together so many times, you have taken care of me even when you were falling apart. Waking up in your arms, I realized I couldn’t lose you too. I would die if something happened to you. It would destroy me and who would put me back together then? 

So I ran. I’ve always swore I was nothing like my mother, but she and I have running in common. I ran from you, because I love you too much to lose you. I am not strong enough, and I'm sorry.. You deserve the world Bellamy, and I wish I could give that to you but I can’t. I can’t do that and I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me Bell. 

I’m sorry, 

and I love you, 

Your Princess. 

Clarke. 

  


* * *

  



End file.
